You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
