I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
