I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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