I wish I could teleport
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize