Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
vagina is talking i cant
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
