Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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