I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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