why didn't you poke me back
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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