He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
