The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize