his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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