I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
