this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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