just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
