There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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