There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
They took my balls.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
