He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize