i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
