somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
