do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
