We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
