Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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