i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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