that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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