pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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