Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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