No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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