Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
