he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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