Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
