this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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