Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
