I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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