So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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