Screwed.edu
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
