so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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