It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
