I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
