remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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