My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I supernannyed him into submission
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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