last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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