She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
