Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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