Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I need to stop coming to work sober
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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