I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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