I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think my moral compass just broke
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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