you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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