I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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