So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
