I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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