Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
