I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
