mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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