Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
