i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
