I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's great music for shaving your balls
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
