I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
