Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
