she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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