dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
