I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
