I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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