i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
