next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
