If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
