WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
