trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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