I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
