Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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