ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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