look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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