those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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